Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Therapeutic goals and the knight in shining armor

We have checked my therapeutic goals with my therapist, and realized that I have reached almost all of them. Yay! I am proud of myself now.

DB is a knight in shining armor. Despite all my positive experiences with him, I still firmly believed that I'm the only one whom I can really count on, and that no matter how sick or disabled I might become, I would still have to do everything by myself, because no one will help me. This sounds quite mean, and I have only recently realized that I have serious trust issues.

And still, I start to believe in DB. My blood pressure suddenly dropped and I found myself lying on the floor, in pain I have never felt before, and the only thing I could tell him was to find help. And then I fainted. I was in and out of consciousness, and woke up in the hospital. He managed to take me there, without any instructions or help from me (I know that this should be normal, but in my head these scenarios didn't exist before), told them everything they needed to know and the result was that I felt a lot better, the pain faded, and I stopped fainting. What I woke up to was that he was slowly stroking my back and talking to the doctor, and I felt comforted and safe.

This is what trust and safety must feel like. It is a wonderful feeling.

He was really there for me when I was in trouble and needed help.