Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Renovation - invasion

We have agreed with EF long ago (5 years) that he would help me do the things in my apartment that I am physically unable to, and that are essential to living as such. He is the archetype of procrastination, and I was so far the "oh well, maybe next time then" - type. So I'm still living with undone stuff.

NM also promised me to help me finish creating a few very necessary things - to which it was a prerequisite to have EF's part finished.

(I would have done these a thousand times without them, but the problem is that the issue is a very special one and they happen to own everything that is required)

At last, EF came over to do at least a part of what he has promised ages ago. He dragged NM along, so that "she can measure what she has to, to finish creating what she started", for me.

I had a few large boxes in a few rooms that had presents for them, and since they were so large, we could not hide them anywhere. We did not want my FOO to see them before their big event either.

So in the meantime, I could not help EF a thing, because I had to babysit NM (to prevent her from opening the boxes), who was talking, whining, and constantly nosing around the rooms, touching everything, asking a tons of questions about each and every piece of furniture, book, decoration, and dust bunny. She was loudly making nasty remarks about EF (how bad he was at doing what he did, how slow he was, how unprofessional he was). And when she was not cursing EF, she was after me, snapping hideous comments here and there, and of course criticizing everything about my apartment, my life, and generally, me.

I feel my progress: I did not black out, I did not even hear most of what NM said, nor cared about them. But I still feel her presence lingering in the rooms.

She could have just did her thing in two minutes, and leave. But no, she had to ruin all. She purposefully separated me from EF and DB, as always, and attempted to get at me. She failed.

I still feel my own safe haven invaded though. I know, that I will have to endure at least one more of this with both NM and EF included. I hate receiving ANYTHING from them. I loathe needing their assistance or help. There is always a price, much higher than what I can, or intend to pay. I hate to be dependent on them.

I have got a very beautiful and rare present from one of my friends. EF offered his help to get me to the meeting point in time, so that she could give it to me before she boarded her plane. He forgot it, of course, I was almost late, and had to take a last minute cab. He arrived after that, apologized and helped me take the present home. Then he made me promise that I would never tell NM that he saw the thing, and that he never saw me, and that I would kindly contact NM to ask her to view my property and to invite him along.

Why the hell does he always want ME to lie for HIM? How pathetic is that, that he has to keep it a secret that he talks to his own daughter? And why the hell would I have to invite NM over to show her that I have got anything?

And yes, they will be in my apartment again to finish what they have started, and I hate it from my gut already.

I feel invaded again on so many levels.


  1. Back in the day, my NPs would be "helpful" but, in exchange, they expected my undying/unending gratitude and servitude. NF was supposedly handy and NM was a pretty good seamstress. I realize now that, in many cases, everything they did had to be undone even though they bragged to everyone about their work.

    When I bought my 1st house at age 31 I gradually learned to do my own DIY. After all, it couldn't be worse than what they did!

    Now, I do simple plumbing and electrical, build small furniture and have recently constructed a half wall and a built in wall-unit. My latest accomplishment was insulating the crawl space at 20% of the cost a contractor quoted for the job. So what if it took me three weeks!

    Some of the things I do are less than perfect but now that I am free of THEM, I'm quite content to be less than perfect.

    Your parents have conditioned you to feel incapable of taking care of yourself and your home. It is part of their strategy to keep you tied to them. Spread your wings and you'll be surprised how high you can fly!

  2. It sucks that these encounters have to be so much harder than they need to be. I've just had a visit from my NM, and she pulled a lot of the same stuff as yours did: snooping in my stuff, commenting on everything, getting me isolated so she can unload on me.
    I hate being indebted to my mother too. I never ask for anything if I can help it.
    I hope that the renovation gets finished soon!


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