Thursday, September 6, 2012

Being a teenager for the first time

The 'teenage' topic popped into my mind when I read Ruth's post Very late teens.

I've only heard about teenagers from NM (speaking about them with disgust and hate), the news, books, Internet, and I've seen some as they were my classmates. But I've never been one of them.

I guess I've skipped being a teenager. As soon as I've grown from a child to a teenager, I was transformed into an adult. I had to parent NM, tend to her every emotional need that she didn't get from her parents before, and fill the shoes of the husband she always wanted me to be. I was forced to be her parents, her brothers and sisters, and her spouse.

I wasn't allowed to have friends, to have my own personality, to make mistakes, to act as young people do, to be careless, to have feelings, to try anything.

I could only be at school, go to my music classes, or be at home, visibly studying (as NM helicoptered over me), and tend to her every unspoken emotional need. I had straight 'A'-s all the time, and it made her envious. I was everything to her, and I was still not enough. I didn't have any friends other than her, and everyone else was hated and pushed away from me. Even EF, my relationship with him made her jealous.

I had the wear the clothes and hairstyle she forced on me, I had to speak the way she allowed me to, I have never been to parties, I have never done anything 'insane' or 'silly', I didn't take risks, I didn't know any modern music bands other than Johann Sebastian Bach and the Beatles. I wasn't allowed to be in love, I was ridiculed instead. I wasn't allowed to learn how to clean the apartment, how to cook, how to mend my clothes, how to shave my legs and armpits, how to wear make-up or polish my nails, how to color my hair. When I found out that everyone in class mocked me because I looked like a yeti, and the boys were whispering how I must be a lesbian because I didn't have any 'girl' traits, I was devastated. I begged her to let me become a woman, and I met rage, hatred and more rage.

I see the little 'teen' relatives around DB, who wear awesome clothes, look like young beautiful women and men, who go to concerts with their friends and go on holiday with their significant others, and I secretly feel envy for the teenage years I never had.

I've started to go to concerts, wear insane clothes and shoes, do my own makeup, dye my hair, play in a 'rock band', etc. at my late twenties.

I'm going to visit my hairdresser next week, and will have awesome crazy colorful synthetic dreadlocks for the next few weeks, while I'm on holiday with DB. And I feel young, for the first time in my life :)


  1. (Insert clapping icon!)
    GO SCATHA!!! You ARE young, you CAN wear cute stylish clothes, you CAN do what ever you please with your hair, your body, and go where ever you please, socialize with whom ever you want. It's clearly not too late to have the adolescence/young adult life you missed.

  2. Ditto on the missed teen years! Mine were spent as the family slave.

    It's never too late! At 66, I dress like a gypsy, have a bunch of tattoos and am the crazy, hippie, heritage lady.

    Rock on, Scatha!

  3. Whoohoo!! Have fun!! It is never too late.

  4. My teen years were at least 8 kinds of Pure Hell.

    Someday when I'm ready to explain, I'll write a post on my blog about my teen years from hell.

    Not quite ready to go there, yet.

    Malignant Narcissistic Mothers particularly HATE their scapegoat daughters when they become teens. Malignant Narcissistic Fathers suddenly want to "love" their teen daughters way too much.

    And all the teen kids at school are so very cruel to the teen who is "different," and how can you not be exceedingly different when you have such an insane life at home?

    I am 59 and I am still a kid. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo, Mulderfan, I just haven't decided what I want yet. For my 60th next May, I believe that's what I'll do. I have until then to decide.


    1. I have seven tattoos. Got the 1st one at age 55. Beware! It's addictive and drives my NPs even crazier than they already were!

    2. YAY for mulderfan! You are so cool!

      And also, for Charity :) Do get a tattoo, I encourage you :)
      Get something that is absolutely You, or something that makes you feel complete. :) You deserve it :)

      I'll read that post, when you are ready :)

  5. ^^^HAHAHAAA! That's so true-even your SKIN isn't you're own: If they happened to get burned, you're expected to literally bend over for it and "donate" your dermis/epidermis because they "NEEEED IT!" And when their organs fail, you better "gift" them with your's-even if you only have ONE of that particular organ-remember, you OWE them-even if the NPs are living fossils, too bad for you! In Third World countries, at least you receive financial renumeration for your "donation."
    I don't mean to be disrespectful, but the implications just cracked me up-OMG, I can just image the unbridled OUTRAGE-love it!

  6. (sigh. "your own:" I'm just laughing so hard I'm in tears-the good kind-TW)

  7. Woohoo. When I first realized I would have to be a teenager I was terrified. Now I am looking forward to reclaiming my life. Glad to hear you are choosing to do the things that interest you, too. Wild cheering hear at my computer. :)


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