Two questions

EF forced me to call NM yesterday (my assumption is that he was tortured and threatened to convince me to call). She called me the day before but I did not answer, since I figured she would be yelling at me about some nonsense that involved my upcoming birthday.

I absolutely loathe my birthday. I remember having ones that I waited for. When I was little, and got toys as presents, and a cake. But most of them were about me getting some present that I never liked or wanted, and then I had to pay heavily for them. I learned that all presents have a very high price, one that I'm unable to pay. Such as being forced to repeat for months, every day, several times, how happy and grateful I am that I received such a wonderful gift from the best mother in the world, whom I bless and who must be a real angel, my sweet sweet mother. Yes I had to call NM sweet. I feel sick just by writing this down.

So I called her yesterday. She had two question: when we will visit them to celebrate me, and what special food should she cook. I answered 6PM and that I want nothing.

We talked for 1.5 hours. I will miss these hours so much at the end of my life.

She answered that no, we will not visit at 6PM, but at 5.30, since she loves me so much that she wants to see me more. I told her that IF she wants to know when I can visit, she has to accept what I say. If she knows beforehand that only a particular time frame is acceptable for her, she should phrase it in a statement and not a question. She did not even hear me.

Then she went on about how she will cook food A (that is actually both my and DB's favorite, but he mustn't eat it because of some meds he has to take for a while. The food would negate the effects of the medication and might put his health in severe danger. For the same reason, he mustn't consume any alcohol). I told her that as I have mentioned EVERY time I talk to her, he mustn't eat food A. Oh, she never knew that, she says, and sounds genuinely surprised.

I mentioned to her that the last time we had lunch, she made sweets with a lot of alcohol in them and was proud of it. And wanted to give him wine to accompany the meal. Oh, she didn't know that he cannot drink. How wonderful it is that we now talk about it, she says.

I still wonder whether she is that evil or that insane. I vote for both. My best guess is that she literally does not hear what I say.

I literally told her that she was killing DB. She didn't even react. Anything. At all.

She then decided to cook food B, which is acceptable by its components.

NM also kept saying that she really really wanted to see the two of us together. Especially DB. And that we so rarely visit together. I told her legitimate reasons why we are usually not even at home, and when we are, I want to see him, and no one else. And that 'no one else' includes them.

Only when I could finally hang up, I realized that she completely negated both my statements. I wanted no food for my birthday. And I told her that I was to visit at 6 PM. And I was stuck with special food and 5.30. And the main result was that I was cold, unloving, uncaring, distant, whereas she was waiting for me in her warm home with all her motherly love and all the wonders I ever wanted in the whole world.

When I hung up, I was so blind with rage, I thought I could smash something. I was shaking with fury.

When I woke up, I couldn't stop crying. I still can't. I feel like a complete failure.

No matter how hard I tried to stick to what I wanted, I still couldn't. How could she twist things around again, so that I only realize what happened when I'm already in it?