Thursday, November 1, 2012

The day when EF almost died

I was at the beginning of my twenties. I lived with my FOO, and had a boyfriend for four years. (I have mentioned him before in one of the posts). NM found out about him at the beginning of our relationship, and my life turned into hell, until I promised to leave him. I secretly dated him for four years. And I finally decided to take control of my life. I sat down with NM and EF and told them that we were still together and intended to stay that way. (A half year later we broke up, but that is totally unrelated. We are still good friends though, both happy in our present relationships.)

In a week, EF was taken into hospital with an unknown but very severe illness and almost died within a day from dehydration. He stayed there for a month (or three? I don't remember). And I remained alone, at home, with NM. He was the only thing between me and EF and now he was gone. He almost never protected me but at least he never hurt me and I loved him. And I still believe that he does love me. I was horrified and scared to death, because I knew the worst hell was coming. And no, I didn't know that the 'worst hell' was way much worse than that.

I learned that EF was dying via phone. NM called me (I was at college which was unfortunately in our city, so I had to live with her). She briefly told me that EF was in the hospital and that he was dying and that it was because of me. And then she hung up. I called her back, and when I managed to talk to her, I asked her where he was. She refused to tell me. I had to beg her for days. She told me that she wouldn't tell me because the reason behind EF's mysterious illness was that I told them I was together with then-boyfriend.

I was devastated. NM kept on talking. She explained to me in detail, that EF admitted to her (before being taken to hospital) that it was my fault that he became ill. That the fact that I was together with then-boyfriend devastated him so much, that he almost died. Then she looked deeply into my eyes, and told me:

"He will die. You killed him. You killed your own father. It is all your fault. It is because you shocked him. You devastated him. You hurt him so much. He did not expect this abhorrent behavior from you. He could not take it to realize that his daughter was such an unimaginably horrible person. To know that you are with then-boyfriend."

I was crying so uncontrollably that I was rather screaming then crying, and was collapsed into a lump on the floor. She shook me up and forced me to stand up. When she ensured that I could not look away from her gaze, she continued.

"If he would survive your murder attempt, do not ever even think of trying to telling this to him. He is such a good man. He wouldn't ever admit that it is all your fault. So don't ask him. He will lie to you and tell you that it is not your fault, because he is so much better than the lowlife you are. He would want to spare you from knowing that he knows how horrible you are. That you wanted to kill him. Your own father."

The next thing I remember was hearing the following from NM:

"I wish Bro was alive. I wish he survived instead of you. At least, if both of you had to be alive, I could say that well, Scatha is irreparably broken and went wrong, she is the black sheep of the family, but at least we have Bro, who is nice and loveable. So I could toss Scatha away and turn towards Bro."

(Note: Bro was aborted before I was born.)

Then she forced me again to look her in the eye and said:

"I wish I wouldn't have to see you all the time, the way you are. I wish I wouldn't have to know day by day that you are like this. I wish you weren't alive. I wish you were dead. I want you to be dead so that I wouldn't have to go all through this."

After a few days, when I was completely broken, she told me where EF was. I could see him but only with NM present, watching my every move.

I don't remember too well, but I think almost half a year have passed until I managed to ask EF in private, whether he thought I was killing him. That I didn't know what to think because NM told me that he wouldn't tell me the truth anyway. He sent me away with a backhand wave telling me that I was stupid and it was not true. And that he didn't ever want to talk about it again.

He has recovered pretty quickly after he got home from the hospital and is now completely cured from that illness.

NM's words still echo in my head.


  1. Your NM is an cruel liar! IMO, your EF (NF?) is just as bad because he can see what she's doing and goes along with it. Now he has done nothing to reassure you.

    People don't die because they don't approve of their adult child's boyfriend. Look at that statement in print and you'll see how utterly ridiculous it is! Then kick the crap she planted out of your head.

    I can't think how many times my NF has accused me of killing my NM. The old girl is 90! I could probably make my fortune selling whatever it is he thinks I've done to NM because I must hold the key to longevity!

  2. What unbelievably cruel things to say! {{{{{Scatha}}}}}

  3. Insane. My EF also excuses my NM's appalling behavior. NM lied.

  4. Scatha, this is horrific. What horrible things to say to you and utterly ridiculous. I'm so sorry.

  5. Incredible! Most of them would only very subtly try to allude to something as obviously horrible and ridiculous as this. This is what pure evil must be like.

  6. They are SUCH prolific liars, scatha. I can't tell you how MANY times AC's have been led down the (thorny) "primrose path" of "Medical Problems" generally mysterious in nature as a Power and Control tactic. I've seen this so frequently I've always stated my opinion that until and unless the NFOO or who ever signs a release allowing me to speak DIRECTLY to the Health Care Professional(s) treating the alleged-on-their-deathbead family member, I'd not believe a bit of it. "Cancer" is an oft-touted "dx." particularly with men who do develop benign prostate hyperplasia as a natural process as they age; that gets construed into "Prostate Cancer" which in itself tends to be very slow-growing in general, so rather than even treat it, MDs often suggest watchful waiting, figuring something else is far more likely to kill them in the long haul.
    Disgusting. I'm so sorry, Scatha. That was just a nasty, nasty, nasty to do to you and make no doubt about it, she did it intentionally. IMO, NM is vicious, really. It sounds like you're connecting the dots in terms of the chronicity and severity of NM's "stuff" and it's stunning-or at least it was for me-when I started putting it all together.
    Vacations do you well, Scatha-maybe you need to take more of 'em! ;)

  7. She seems so over the top, maliciously crazy, that I wonder if the mysterious illness was her trying to poison him, and it was almost successful? She could then be the center of all that drama? One wonders, one does. --quartz

  8. Oh, now that what TW said has sunk in with me finally, one wonders what was the real story with his condition? Perhaps a daughter can privately ask his doctor about that? Even if only to innocently remark to the doctor about how scary it was for everybody that time when he almost died, and no one knew what it was, and see if the doctor seems to agree, or if he or she seems puzzled by your saying that? --quartz

  9. Wow, right, your only source of the idea that he "almost died" was your NM?

    Who knows why he was actually hospitalized!

  10. Once my NM was "rushed" to hospital via ambulance because, according to NF, I was "killing" her. She had chest pains and doctors were running tests when he called to tell me if I wanted to say goodbye I'd best get down there.

    That was the last time I fell for his lies. She was being discharged when I arrived after being diagnosed with indigestion!

  11. I didn't want to suggest that your NM maybe did something to make EF sick, because I didn't want to plant seeds that might not need to be there. BUT, that was one of my first thoughts too: that NM made EF sick. I have an ACoN friend who's mother has Munchhausen syndrome by proxy.
    Regardless, the propensity for these narcs to use serious illness to manipulate and control people never ceases to amaze me.

  12. If nothing else, I'm sure that NM hated, nagged, frustrated and manipulated the living soul out of EF after I told them about my then-boyfriend.

    NM's relationship with serious illnesses start to become a pattern in my head, reading your comments by the way.

    NGM had a serious illness all her life, and used this as an excuse to abuse NM. NM has developed a serious illness when she met EF, and he was there for her until she was cured. After that day, she still waits the day she dies horribly from that illness.
    When I pointed out that she was cured a long time ago, and probably she would not die from that illness, she developed another, really serious one. And then was cured pretty quickly. She still goes from doctor to doctor and waits for someone to tell her that she is really ill and is going to die, but since she is very healthy, no one does.
    She makes it obvious by very subtle signs that she wants me to know her examination schedule, tries to make me feel guilty when I don't and calls me after every medical appointment to let me know how afraid she was but that she was found completely healthy, again.

    Of course, if I tell her that I'm not interested in her fake attempts, I'm the evil child.

    1. Ick. I hate this medical drama bullshit. Nm does the same with me, makes a big deal over every appointment, every new test, every twinge that something might be about to kill her. I've only recently been able to quit feeling guilty for not responded to every little medical "crisis".


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