Wednesday, January 9, 2013

A free weekend

I haven't heard of NM since the last phone-related event. I feel lighter and closer to my own self every passing minute. There is a tangible difference between not having to even think about her for days, and between being constantly bombarded and smothered by her emails, text messages, phone calls, visits, or other attempts at completely occupying my every thought.

Yesterday morning I knew that I would hear of her soon, and that with each passing day that I spend with something else than groveling at her feet will add to the pile of sh*tstorm that she intends to hurl at me as soon as she figures out the cruelest way possible. But I couldn't care less now. She had the chance of saying what she wanted, now she has the chance to contemplate on why I did not return her calls. I bet she will not ever do that though.

She did send her one and only flying monkey though: EF, who sent me a short email including some music (we both love music, whereas NM not really), I guess it was a way of saying hi, and then he added "I hope you are well, kisses". A bit before midnight, when I got home, I sent some music back to him, added that I just got home and as a result was tired, but otherwise nothing special, kisses.

If he only wanted to know whether I was alive, and whether we are okay, he knows now. If he wanted to spy for NM, I will know soon, since there was no useful information for NM in my mail, and she will be furious.

I feel much better without her constantly devouring me.

My therapist and DB have both told me that I am making a huge progress in my reactions to NM's behavior, and now I give myself the pleasure of being proud of myself for getting this far.

I don't have any illusions, she will attack me soon. And I intend to remain myself instead of being dragged back to her psycho-play.


  1. Great news! In early "recovery" these breaks are very important because they allow us to experience a drama-free existence.

    After attempts at low contact and a year of only written communication, I am almost seven months with absolutely no contact. The only problem I have right now is being furious with myself for waiting until I was sixty-six before realizing how wonderful life can be without my nasty parents in it!

    I get stronger and more confident with every passing day. Given that my parents are in their nineties I'm sure some other drama will unfold shortly but I am a different person completely and will no longer tolerate anyone's abuse.

    Keep up the good work, Scatha!

  2. I hate that waiting for the attack feeling, though I'm learning to let it go. I know she is going to attack, but it doesn't hold the power it once did because I'm learning to laugh at her, to recognize how ridiculous her attack is, no matter what it is. Why did I let her opinion matter for so long?

  3. I hate that "on edge" feeling too. Knowing they are plotting and scheming ways to make your life difficult is gut wrenching. Even in the peace of time away, it's always nagging in the back of my mind.

    Wouldn't it be nice if they could reflect on themselves. Maybe take a look and think what they could do differently. I guess a girl can dream.


Comments are welcome!