Monday, March 18, 2013

Because ENGF is family

I know that NGM used illness as means to get anything she wanted, and justify all evil she has done. NM is just doing the same. No matter who is ill, she uses it to justify things and to get her way.

I have decided not to visit ENGF, as it was only a means for NM to 1) show off her 'perfect family', to 2) show me a 'good example' of how elderly abusive parents should be taken care of (she is going out of her way in hoping that now ENGF is old and not too healthy, he will finally see the error of his ways and lift NM from being the Scapegoat to becoming the Golden Child which will never happen of course) that I must also follow according to her, if she gets old/ill, and to 3) be able to stay alone with me and abuse me.

I have called ENGF. I asked how he was, we spoke for around 2 minutes.

As I have suspected when I could think clearly after NM's last phone attack, ENGF is coming out of hospital already. No, he did not die. No, he was not on the verge of dieing. He has to take a few pills and he is good to go. As usual, NM was lying again.

To be honest, I don't give a damn about ENGF. He never cared about me. He never loved me. I never got to know him. He was never a 'grandfather' for me, I don't even have a clue what grandparents are. I only saw him a few times during my life, since NM never let me close to her parents (I would have done the same if I was her, they were even more narcs than she is), only under constant supervision.

I only had a sort of 'relationship' with him for like 1-2 years, when I was in college. I was extremely depressed, and we sometimes met for a coffee and talked about mundane stuff. This has abruptly ended when he had a new (heavily abusive) relationship. He has decided not to visit any of us again, and never talked to me after that, only if I called him, and even then, he was purposefully mean to me.

He is also a pathological liar, and gaslighter. I remember when I called to say happy birthday to him. A few weeks after, he was screaming at me in front of my family for not even caring to call him for his birthday (note: he never calls me on mine). EF just told him one thing: 'You know, I was standing right next to you when Scatha called, and I heard her saying happy birthday.' As you have already guessed, ENGF still sticked to his truth, yelling at EF also that he was lieing for my sake, and how ungrateful and inconsiderate I am. Guess where NM learned all this shit.

The only thing I know about ENGF is that he is biologically related to me. That he is the extremely abusive father of NM who still abuses the hell out of her. Who has nothing but expectations towards me, but never gives anything. I feel that he has never loved me. I feel no emotional connection to him. And 'because he is your grandfather' is far from enough for me. Especially because this sentence is supposed to mean 'be a well-behaved doormat, contact him on a weekly basis so that he could twist his knife in your emotional wounds that hurt the most, you must support him in abusing you, because he is your grandfather'.

He (and NM) has a quite extended family (who are either abusive, enmeshed with each other in a very sick way, or rapists) who became flying monkeys whenever I don't fit in with their insane sick enmeshments. So I expect to receive a few calls about me not visiting ENGF in the hospital.

EF sent me an email commanding me to call ENGF. I told him that I have already done so. Lol.


  1. Nice that you could emailed her back letting her know that the command was unneeded. "Because they are family" is one of the weakest excuse I know. I heard that often with my mother. "You have to love her because she is your mother." The day my counselor said, "No you don't." Opened a whole new era for me in accepting my emotions. I agree with you that blood connection is no excuse to allow yourself to be abused.

  2. I'm so sorry you had bad relationships with your grandparents on top of crappy parents. I feel fortunate that I had good relationships with my grandparents (which also makes me wonder more how my mother turned out so awful and why my EF puts up with my NM).

    Narcissists are family as a technicality only. It's the club they use to guilt us back into their evil webs.

  3. Just because we have some of the same genes, doesn't mean we have to put up with garbage from these people. One of the best things I did was to get Caller ID and just not answer calls from the creeps. I really enjoy all of Anna's blogs and this one was particularly helpful regarding this subject.
    Good luck!

  4. You owe them nothing and even if you did, you've already repaid them hundreds of times. Never accept from "family" what you would not accept from a friend.


Comments are welcome!