I have visited my FOO, after they have come home from the week-end house. We had quite a normal chat until the topic of weight came. DB has always been very thin, but now due to some medical issues, he has lost a lot of weight from that, and is now around my weight. NM immediately had to comment that when she met EF, he was 2 pounds less than DB is now. And then went on to explain how fat EF is now, and that he should really lose a lot of weight, and would look much better. And that I have to tell him to lose weight. I told her no. I said it is none of my business. She blew up and started stating that it shows how I not consider myself a part of the family anymore, and that I should comment on EF being fat, if I consider myself a daughter. I stood up, calmly told her that their relationship issues are not mine, and that I am neither a postman, nor a proxy or a firewall, so if they have anything to talk about, they should do it among themselves. And that I did not come to listen to anything like this, and that I was leaving. She started saying something, but EF told her to stop. I started walking towards the door and she shouted after me that I should at least kiss her. I said bye and went home.
I consider this a success.
The next time I've seen them (this morning), she started with telling me that I should really not 'behave that way' as I did when I told her no. And that she was really only asking for my help. I told her, that it is still their issue, not mine, and went to the kitchen. She dropped the subject.
A few normal topics later, she started telling me about the old lady who runs the grocery store in the countryside, and that NM has learned that the old woman sometimes had her grandchildren visit. And that she said that the grandkids were around since the second child was 'too much' for their mother, and that she wasn't able to handle them. And went on explaining how some mothers just simply are unable to take the burden of having children around and how they are not the type who can handle kids (and of course how selfish they must be). That there are moms who are simply not the 'mother types', and who cannot deal with children no matter what they do, because they just cannot focus on anything else than their own interests and 'wanting to have fun'. So thus, the mother in the story ditched her children to a poor grandmother, where the kids were bored to death, because 'there is nothing fun to do at a grocery store anyway', and how awful this was. Obviously, poor grandma was only the victim of the vicious mother, who has abandoned her children because she wanted to have fun.
I have sensed she expected some reaction from me, but I just didn't react. She realized that she couldn't trigger me into saying anything, so she went on throwing words around such as 'mother', 'inappropriate', 'unable', and the like.
There was no rational reason behind her talking about someone she has only seen like four times in her life in such a detailed way. I am absolutely sure that this was one of her usual 'just talking about someone else' meaning that she was talking directly to me, about me.
Got the message, NM wants to take my children, because I will be an inappropriate mother.
When I left, she literally jumped on me and kissed me, before I could even resist.