Before that, I have talked to NM via phone to discuss the details. It was hilarious.
- NM explained to me that they are so 'broke' that they could not really afford gifts. For the Christmas before, I bought a present so that they could give it to DB as a present. They have decided to give something else instead. I have suggested that they give him that present, so it would be free anyway.
- NM asked me what to cook. I told her not to make a big deal about it and cook whatever she wanted. She told me that she didn't intend to make a big deal about DB's birthday anyway. Great. As a result the food was something she knew I hated. I wasn't surprised at all.
- I suggested that I would bake the cake for him, and bring it over, so NM wouldn't have to bother with baking. She said alright, until I explained that it would be the 'family specialty' that she always used to bake for me when I was little, and that I always baked for her for her birthday. She told me that she hated that cake, and so that I shouldn't bake that type of cake for HER for DB's birthday.
WTF. And thanks for making me realize that you have always hated the cake I made especially for you. Great.
I have decided not to bake anything for that day and baked the cake on his "real" birthday, the day after. He was more than happy and told me that he loved the cake.
- NM asked me when would we be able to talk. I told her that when we'd visit together with DB, we could. She said, "I see, so we won't talk again". She was furious because I blew her chance to be alone with me.
- Kicked one or two into DB, so that he would know his place.
- Also told him to tell me (while I was sitting next to him) to visit her more, because it is not "polite" or "loving" that I don't visit my own mother.
- Then NM explained to me that I was laying the table wrong, because I didn't choose the appropriate cutlery.
- She tossed him the gift with the comment "happy birthday, love us all". We have the habit of hiding the gift from sight so that it would be a greater surprise. Of course it was not hidden, it was displayed on the central table.
- And then during lunch, NM explained to DB, in details, how hideous DP was, how evil and vengeful he was, and how he made everyone's life impossible, and the 'evil tricks' he intentionally invented to ruin our life. How he maliciously sabotaged everything she wanted to do, how annoying he was all the time (she never, ever said this before, she always claimed she loved him). How awful it was for NM when DP was dying, because she had to participate in taking care of him while I was working, and how difficult it was for her. She never ever mentioned how painful it must have been for DP himself. Or understood why I still couldn't get over his death.
Another thing to hurt me with, deeply. It was personal. She knew how much I loved DP above anyone else. How he was my only friend, my only brother, my only confidante, my only connection to the human world for more than a decade, my love, my life, my everything. Everyone who knew him said that he was more than human, the most loving, kind living soul on Earth. Who taught me that telepathy really does exist. Who loved me when no one else did, who stayed beside me when I was very ill. Who has literally saved my life several times. He was my cat.
If you ever grew up with a dog or a cat whom you had a deeply personal relationship with - and had narc parents, I think you can imagine what I'm talking about.
Speaking ill of the dead and lying about them is the new game I guess.