Thursday, July 5, 2012

It starts

I would like to greet you all here with love.

It was a bit more than a year ago, when I have realized that my mother is a Narcissist. I have escaped from a destructive relationship just before that and was desperate to search for answers, any answer. And - ironically - it was my mother who drew my attention to the term 'narcissism'.

I began to read everything I could get my hands on about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and I have realized that my ex-narc boyfriend (EXNB), with whom I have been living together for almost 4 years was a textbook narcissist. It was shocking, frightening, I have to admit that I was terrified to death, but also in some way relieving. I have slowly began to understand what has happened to me during those years. I am sure, I will write more about this also.

And after a few months of being obsessed about learning everything I could about NPD, I have stumbled upon the article that I guess almost all ACON bloggers know now: Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers. The room started to turn around me, and I have felt that the world I seemed to know was falling into pieces with only a gaping black void to remain. And I have learned that day, that my mother was a malignant narcissist.

I have sent the article to my Enabler Father (EF), whom I have always loved and adored, but who has never protected me from the unbearable verbal assaults that my mother showered me with. He deliberately did not answer. I have brought it up in a conversation with him the next day, and he wooshed the topic away, as if I have told him that I had a faerie dragon living in my closet. And since I still trusted his judgement blindly, I have tried to make myself forget the whole thing. It was less painful anyway, to hide the truth from myself. I was way too an expert in that, anyway.

And slowly, it all creeped back into my mind, I have started reading blogs, and here I am, trying to share my own experiences and thoughts in hope that it might help you. And that you do not feel alone.

I am still in contact with my Family of Origin (FOO), one reason being my cultural background, where family ties are strongly valued. Another reason being that I am their next-door neighbor (which is another 'nice' story).

More to come, soon.


I am not a mental health professional, nor a medical expert. I have my deeply personal experiences regarding NPD, and I am happy to share all that I have read, heard or experienced, to help others who are walking in the same shoes.

I wish to remain anonymous. If you happen to know me IRL, or you think you know me, please do not reveal my identity. I intend my posts to be open and honest, and the only way I can do it is by not using any real names.

Comments whether agreeing or disagreeing are welcome. I am interested in your thoughts, opinions and experiences. However, trolling, inappropriate or rude comments are not welcome and will be deleted.


  1. Welcome to blogsville. Looking forward to hearing more from you. :) Sorry to hear you have a NM too.

  2. Hello! I'm still in contact with my FOO, too. It can be a difficult balancing act, especially because I absolutely cannot talk about NM in front of my enabling and engulfed sister (which is made more difficult by the fact she and I share a circle of friends who sometimes ask me how things are with my mother in front of her). My father and I have had some heart to hearts about it before, and we've agreed our relationship isn't dependent on the one I have with NM, he's just content she and I can be civil in each others presence.

    I can't imagine if I had to live next door to them and deal with them everyday though. That must be very taxing!

    1. Yeah, sharing a circle of friends makes it more difficult to balance... I'm also in that situation.

      I fortunately don't meet them every day, but it is always a possibility to bump into them, and it makes me alert constantly.

      Good to hear that your relationship with your father is based on that mutual agreement. I'm also hoping to sort of get there.

  3. Eesh. DH and I were almost NMIL's "next door neighbor" when she offered us the apartment she owned (and rented out) during the early months of our relationship.

    That would have been horrifying.

    1. Oh. Missed an important fact. The apartment she rented was right above the office where she worked.

      Seriously. I still have nightmares about it.

    2. I feel so sorry for you and the nightmares. And I'm glad for you that you are not next door neighbors ;)


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