It starts

I would like to greet you all here with love.

It was a bit more than a year ago, when I have realized that my mother is a Narcissist. I have escaped from a destructive relationship just before that and was desperate to search for answers, any answer. And - ironically - it was my mother who drew my attention to the term 'narcissism'.

I began to read everything I could get my hands on about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and I have realized that my ex-narc boyfriend (EXNB), with whom I have been living together for almost 4 years was a textbook narcissist. It was shocking, frightening, I have to admit that I was terrified to death, but also in some way relieving. I have slowly began to understand what has happened to me during those years. I am sure, I will write more about this also.

And after a few months of being obsessed about learning everything I could about NPD, I have stumbled upon the article that I guess almost all ACON bloggers know now: Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers. The room started to turn around me, and I have felt that the world I seemed to know was falling into pieces with only a gaping black void to remain. And I have learned that day, that my mother was a malignant narcissist.

I have sent the article to my Enabler Father (EF), whom I have always loved and adored, but who has never protected me from the unbearable verbal assaults that my mother showered me with. He deliberately did not answer. I have brought it up in a conversation with him the next day, and he wooshed the topic away, as if I have told him that I had a faerie dragon living in my closet. And since I still trusted his judgement blindly, I have tried to make myself forget the whole thing. It was less painful anyway, to hide the truth from myself. I was way too an expert in that, anyway.

And slowly, it all creeped back into my mind, I have started reading blogs, and here I am, trying to share my own experiences and thoughts in hope that it might help you. And that you do not feel alone.

I am still in contact with my Family of Origin (FOO), one reason being my cultural background, where family ties are strongly valued. Another reason being that I am their next-door neighbor (which is another 'nice' story).

More to come, soon.

DISCLAIMER

I am not a mental health professional, nor a medical expert. I have my deeply personal experiences regarding NPD, and I am happy to share all that I have read, heard or experienced, to help others who are walking in the same shoes.

I wish to remain anonymous. If you happen to know me IRL, or you think you know me, please do not reveal my identity. I intend my posts to be open and honest, and the only way I can do it is by not using any real names.

Comments whether agreeing or disagreeing are welcome. I am interested in your thoughts, opinions and experiences. However, trolling, inappropriate or rude comments are not welcome and will be deleted.