My NM was always (and still is) preoccupied with how I look. My clothes, my weight, my hair, my posture, my facial expressions. She always controlled every inch of my body, to project the perfect image of me - to others. If I was less then perfect for her, or - God forgive - had my own ideas or taste about how I wanted to look like, she blew up, and I was showered with hate, disgust and rage.
My NM was always obsessed with my hair - of course when I didn't wear it the way she wanted.
When I did so - back in elementary school, in very weird-looking old fashioned pigtails - I was constantly ridiculed by my classmates, they called me names (you look like a goat), etc. I have always considered myself disgusting when I had to wear my hear the way she wanted. Whenever I tried to let my hair down - I liked it that way, and I had beautiful golden brown hair, she became furious and started pulling my hair, screaming in my face that I looked like a whore. I was still a child. As a result, after that incident, she always pulled my hair back so hard when making my hair (I wasn't allowed to do it on my own), that it hurt even after a day has passed.
Once, my Darling Grandmother (DGM) (father's mother) took me to the hairdresser, and she cut my long hair, to a stylish short one. I was 12. She was screaming at both of us and stopped talking to my grandmother for months, and called her irresponsible.
In college, I have decided to dye my hair. She approved it as long as it was blonde (she dyed hers blonde as well). But I have realized, that I hated that color, and I went for black. And she made my life a living hell, where constant criticism was the best part.
When I have planned to buy my own apartment at the age of 24, she told me that with a hairstyle like that (it was black with red streaks, and everyone loved it on me, even my boss and colleagues), I don't deserve to live in my own apartment. And, as usual, that I looked like a whore, since only whores wear black or red. (she is all fluffy pink, all the time)
Nowadays, when I wear my hair in a ponytail for some reason (weather too hot, etc), and look in the mirror, I am disgusted of myself, and feel like throwing up.
Whenever we meet in person, she always, ALWAYS has to comment on my hair, its color, the way I wear it, and of course with so much hatred, that I start to feel dizzy.
I have tried to explain (I know now, a big NO with NPDs) that I never ever commented on her hair, and I have never tried to persuade her to dye it or wear it in any other way she does, I wouldn't do it even if she asked. But of course, in her case, it is different. She only wants good for me. She only points out the flaws I have that can make my life more difficult, or make me even less acceptable. Or the other way round, that I only do it to make her unhappy. To show her how I don't value and respect her feelings.